Tracks
1Mending
There was a bird beside the wall
Where the lord's keep throws its shade
A sparrow with a broken wing
Breathing fast and afraid
Oh, I was just a child walking home
Oh, I was just a child alone
I didn't know a word for what I did
I didn't know a name for what I felt
I put my hands around that trembling bird
And something in my fingers start to melt
Oh, warm like sunlight, warm like song
Oh, I held on, I held on
Mending, mending
(little bones, little bones)
Mending, mending
(coming home, coming home)
I felt the broken places start to knit
I felt the wing remember what it was
Mending, mending
I didn't know the word — I only knew the warmth
I only knew the warmth
The sparrow went so still inside my hands
I thought that I had done it wrong\
But then I felt the heartbeat steady out
And the breathing going strong
Oh, something in me knew just what to do
Oh, something in me already knew
And then the sparrow opened up its eyes
And then the sparrow tried its wing
And then the sparrow flew above the wall
Above the keep, above everything
Oh, it never even looked back down
Oh, it never made a sound
Mending, mending
(little bones, little bones)
Mending, mending
(coming home, coming home)
I felt the broken places start to knit
I felt the wing remember what it was
Mending, mending
I didn't know the word — I only knew the warmth
I only knew the warmth
And I stood there with my empty hands
(empty hands, empty hands)
Still warm from what I'd done
(what I'd done)
And the sparrow was a speck against the sky
(against the sky)
And I had no one, no one to tell
I had no one, no one to tell
Oh, but the warmth stayed in my hands all day
(stayed all day, stayed all day)
And I kept closing them and opening them again
(again, again)
Like I could still feel the heartbeat there
(heartbeat there)
Like the mending wasn't done
Like the mending had just begun
Mending, mending
(little bones, little bones)
Mending, mending
(fly away, fly away)
The sparrow's gone, the sparrow's in the sky
The warmth is all the sparrow left behind
Mending, mending
I didn't know the word — I only knew the warmth
I only knew the warmth
(Warm hands, warm hands)
(The mending had just begun)
(Warm hands, warm hands)
Where the lord's keep throws its shade
A sparrow with a broken wing
Breathing fast and afraid
Oh, I was just a child walking home
Oh, I was just a child alone
I didn't know a word for what I did
I didn't know a name for what I felt
I put my hands around that trembling bird
And something in my fingers start to melt
Oh, warm like sunlight, warm like song
Oh, I held on, I held on
Mending, mending
(little bones, little bones)
Mending, mending
(coming home, coming home)
I felt the broken places start to knit
I felt the wing remember what it was
Mending, mending
I didn't know the word — I only knew the warmth
I only knew the warmth
The sparrow went so still inside my hands
I thought that I had done it wrong\
But then I felt the heartbeat steady out
And the breathing going strong
Oh, something in me knew just what to do
Oh, something in me already knew
And then the sparrow opened up its eyes
And then the sparrow tried its wing
And then the sparrow flew above the wall
Above the keep, above everything
Oh, it never even looked back down
Oh, it never made a sound
Mending, mending
(little bones, little bones)
Mending, mending
(coming home, coming home)
I felt the broken places start to knit
I felt the wing remember what it was
Mending, mending
I didn't know the word — I only knew the warmth
I only knew the warmth
And I stood there with my empty hands
(empty hands, empty hands)
Still warm from what I'd done
(what I'd done)
And the sparrow was a speck against the sky
(against the sky)
And I had no one, no one to tell
I had no one, no one to tell
Oh, but the warmth stayed in my hands all day
(stayed all day, stayed all day)
And I kept closing them and opening them again
(again, again)
Like I could still feel the heartbeat there
(heartbeat there)
Like the mending wasn't done
Like the mending had just begun
Mending, mending
(little bones, little bones)
Mending, mending
(fly away, fly away)
The sparrow's gone, the sparrow's in the sky
The warmth is all the sparrow left behind
Mending, mending
I didn't know the word — I only knew the warmth
I only knew the warmth
(Warm hands, warm hands)
(The mending had just begun)
(Warm hands, warm hands)
2The One They Send For
The baker's boy came running at the dawn
Said his mother's hands had gone to stone
I walked across the square before my tea
I've learned to leave my breakfast growing cold
Oh, they always come at dawn
Oh, they always come at dawn
The farrier says his mare won't stand
The weaver's got a cough that won't let go
The old man by the fountain can't remember
And his daughter wants to know — can I make him know?
Oh, I can't do that, I can't do that
Oh, but I go, I always go
I'm the one they send for
(send for, send for)
When the body breaks, when the fever climbs
(fever climbs)
I'm the one they send for
(send for, send for)
Warm hands in the middle of the night
I'm the one they send for
And I always come, and I always come
The miller's daughter cut her arm on the blade
And I held the wound until the light came through
And she looked at me like I was something holy
And I thought — is that true? Is that what I am to you?
Oh, I never chose a title
Oh, the title chose me
The keep sends down a man in velvet once a year
To count the living and to count the dead
He writes my name beside the word "priest"
I never said I was — but no one asks what I've said
Oh, they wrote it down, they wrote it down
Oh, and now it's what I am
I'm the one they send for
(send for, send for)
When the body breaks, when the fever climbs
(fever climbs)
I'm the one they send for
(send for, send for)
Warm hands in the middle of the night
I'm the one they send for
And I always come, and I always come
And I'm good at it, that's the thing
I'm good at it and it fills me up
(fills me up)
But some nights when the last one's finally sleeping
(finally sleeping)
I sit outside and I look at my hands
And I can't remember what they're for
When nobody needs them anymore
When nobody needs them anymore
I'm the one they send for
(send for, send for)
When the body breaks, when the fever climbs
(fever climbs)
I'm the one they send for
(send for, send for)
But who sends for me? Who sends for me?
I'm the one they send for
And I always come
(Warm hands, warm hands)
(Who sends for me?)
(Warm hands, warm hands)
(And I always come)
Said his mother's hands had gone to stone
I walked across the square before my tea
I've learned to leave my breakfast growing cold
Oh, they always come at dawn
Oh, they always come at dawn
The farrier says his mare won't stand
The weaver's got a cough that won't let go
The old man by the fountain can't remember
And his daughter wants to know — can I make him know?
Oh, I can't do that, I can't do that
Oh, but I go, I always go
I'm the one they send for
(send for, send for)
When the body breaks, when the fever climbs
(fever climbs)
I'm the one they send for
(send for, send for)
Warm hands in the middle of the night
I'm the one they send for
And I always come, and I always come
The miller's daughter cut her arm on the blade
And I held the wound until the light came through
And she looked at me like I was something holy
And I thought — is that true? Is that what I am to you?
Oh, I never chose a title
Oh, the title chose me
The keep sends down a man in velvet once a year
To count the living and to count the dead
He writes my name beside the word "priest"
I never said I was — but no one asks what I've said
Oh, they wrote it down, they wrote it down
Oh, and now it's what I am
I'm the one they send for
(send for, send for)
When the body breaks, when the fever climbs
(fever climbs)
I'm the one they send for
(send for, send for)
Warm hands in the middle of the night
I'm the one they send for
And I always come, and I always come
And I'm good at it, that's the thing
I'm good at it and it fills me up
(fills me up)
But some nights when the last one's finally sleeping
(finally sleeping)
I sit outside and I look at my hands
And I can't remember what they're for
When nobody needs them anymore
When nobody needs them anymore
I'm the one they send for
(send for, send for)
When the body breaks, when the fever climbs
(fever climbs)
I'm the one they send for
(send for, send for)
But who sends for me? Who sends for me?
I'm the one they send for
And I always come
(Warm hands, warm hands)
(Who sends for me?)
(Warm hands, warm hands)
(And I always come)
3I Made You to Fly
Every night when the village goes to sleep
And nobody's knocking at my door
I sit beside the candle with my needle and my thread
And I make something no one asked me for
I started with the linen, rough and plain
Bags and bandages, bags and bandages
Same stitch a hundred times until my fingers knew
The thread better than my own name
Then the wool came next, a little finer
Cloaks and scarves and hems
Then the silk that slipped like water through my hands
And I learned to follow where it went
Then the dreaming-cloth, the kind that hums
(the kind that hums)
The cloth that's almost alive beneath your pins
(almost alive)
And my hands stopped thinking and my hands just knew
(just knew, just knew)
And I felt the thread reach back at me like a friend
Like the thread was reaching back
Come alive, come alive, I made you to fly
(I made you, I made you)
Come alive, come alive, crimson and gold and sky
(crimson and gold)
Every stitch a little act of faith
Every border like a prayer, every fringe a little hymn
Come alive, come alive, I made you to fly
I found a pattern in a book the traders brought
And I knew — I knew my hands were ready now
Crimson and gold and a blue like deep water
I cut the cloth and I laid it out
Oh, the colors sang, the colors sang
Oh, like they'd been waiting to be found
I sewed for seven nights and seven mornings
And when I pulled the last thread through and tied it
I swear the carpet breathed — I swear it stretched and grinned
Oh, it rippled like a cat
Oh, it rippled like a cat in the sun
Come alive, come alive, I made you to fly
(I made you, I made you)
Come alive, come alive, crimson and gold and sky
(crimson and gold)
Every stitch a little act of faith
Every border like a prayer, every fringe a little hymn
Come alive, come alive, I made you to fly
I carried it up the hill behind the keep
And I laid it on the grass
And it tugged before I even sat down
Like it already knew which way to go
Oh, it already knew, it already knew
Oh, I just held on
And the carpet banked into the wind
(into the wind)
Like it loved the wind
And the gold threads caught the sunset
(caught the sunset)
And the crimson rippled warm against my knees
And the carpet flew me past the stars and past the trees
Oh, and I laughed — I laughed up there
(laughed up there, laughed up there)
And the carpet dipped like laughing back
(laughing back)
And I think it liked the way I held on loose
(held on loose)
And I think it liked that I didn't try to steer
I think it liked that I trusted it
Come alive, come alive, I made you to fly
(I made you, I made you)
Come alive, come alive, crimson and gold and sky
(crimson and gold)
I made you with my own two hands
Come alive, come alive, I made you to fly
(Come alive, come alive)
(I made you to fly)
(Come alive)
And nobody's knocking at my door
I sit beside the candle with my needle and my thread
And I make something no one asked me for
I started with the linen, rough and plain
Bags and bandages, bags and bandages
Same stitch a hundred times until my fingers knew
The thread better than my own name
Then the wool came next, a little finer
Cloaks and scarves and hems
Then the silk that slipped like water through my hands
And I learned to follow where it went
Then the dreaming-cloth, the kind that hums
(the kind that hums)
The cloth that's almost alive beneath your pins
(almost alive)
And my hands stopped thinking and my hands just knew
(just knew, just knew)
And I felt the thread reach back at me like a friend
Like the thread was reaching back
Come alive, come alive, I made you to fly
(I made you, I made you)
Come alive, come alive, crimson and gold and sky
(crimson and gold)
Every stitch a little act of faith
Every border like a prayer, every fringe a little hymn
Come alive, come alive, I made you to fly
I found a pattern in a book the traders brought
And I knew — I knew my hands were ready now
Crimson and gold and a blue like deep water
I cut the cloth and I laid it out
Oh, the colors sang, the colors sang
Oh, like they'd been waiting to be found
I sewed for seven nights and seven mornings
And when I pulled the last thread through and tied it
I swear the carpet breathed — I swear it stretched and grinned
Oh, it rippled like a cat
Oh, it rippled like a cat in the sun
Come alive, come alive, I made you to fly
(I made you, I made you)
Come alive, come alive, crimson and gold and sky
(crimson and gold)
Every stitch a little act of faith
Every border like a prayer, every fringe a little hymn
Come alive, come alive, I made you to fly
I carried it up the hill behind the keep
And I laid it on the grass
And it tugged before I even sat down
Like it already knew which way to go
Oh, it already knew, it already knew
Oh, I just held on
And the carpet banked into the wind
(into the wind)
Like it loved the wind
And the gold threads caught the sunset
(caught the sunset)
And the crimson rippled warm against my knees
And the carpet flew me past the stars and past the trees
Oh, and I laughed — I laughed up there
(laughed up there, laughed up there)
And the carpet dipped like laughing back
(laughing back)
And I think it liked the way I held on loose
(held on loose)
And I think it liked that I didn't try to steer
I think it liked that I trusted it
Come alive, come alive, I made you to fly
(I made you, I made you)
Come alive, come alive, crimson and gold and sky
(crimson and gold)
I made you with my own two hands
Come alive, come alive, I made you to fly
(Come alive, come alive)
(I made you to fly)
(Come alive)
4The Whole Fight
They found me on the road two days from home
Three strangers and a gap where a fourth should be
The warrior looked me up and down and said
"You heal? Good enough — you're coming with me"
They didn't ask my name, didn't ask me anything
They didn't ask my name
I said "I've only ever mended farmers
And a baker's boy, and once a farrier's mare"
The rogue laughed and said "you'll be fine"
The mage said "just keep us standing in there"
I had to run to keep up with them
They walk so fast, they walk so fast
And the mouth of the cave came up like a jaw
And they walked in like they'd done this all before
And I thought — I am not ready for this
And I thought — nobody cares, they needed four
They needed a healer
Any healer would do
I see the whole fight
(the whole fight, the whole fight)
I see the sword come down, I see the shield go up
(shield go up)
I see the whole fight
(the whole fight, the whole fight)
Every hit, every stumble, every time they need my hands
I see the whole fight from the back
The first thing that came out of the dark was fast
And I froze — I froze — and the warrior took it full
And the blood came and I didn't think — my hands just went
And the wound closed and the warrior laughed
And the warrior said "see? You're fine"
This is nothing like the village
The rogue takes a slash across the ribs
And I'm already there before the blood
And the rogue just rolls and grins like nothing happened
Nobody's ever grinned at me like that
Like I'm part of this
This is nothing like the village
I see the whole fight
(the whole fight, the whole fight)
I see the sword come down, I see the shield go up
(shield go up)
I see the whole fight
(the whole fight, the whole fight)
Every hit, every stumble, every time they need my hands
I see the whole fight from the back
I am not strong enough to be here
(not strong enough)
I am not ready for this dark
(not ready)
But the warmth still comes when the warmth is needed
(still comes, still comes)
And it doesn't ask me if I'm ready
It just goes where the wounds are
And something breaks through toward me
(toward me, toward me)
And the warrior's there before it lands
(before it lands)
Steps right in front of me like a door slamming shut
(like a door)
And says "not the healer — not on my watch"
Says "not the healer — not on my watch"
They dragged me here because they needed hands
(needed hands)
Any hands that knew the warmth
(any hands)
But the warrior took a hit for me
(hit for me)
A hit that wasn't even close to free
A hit that wasn't free
I see the whole fight
(the whole fight, the whole fight)
I see the sword come down, I see the shield go up
(shield go up)
I see the whole fight
(the whole fight, the whole fight)
I wasn't ready but the warmth was ready
I see the whole fight from the back
And I have the best view
(The best view, the best view)
(I see the whole fight)
(And I have the best view)
(I see the whole fight)
Three strangers and a gap where a fourth should be
The warrior looked me up and down and said
"You heal? Good enough — you're coming with me"
They didn't ask my name, didn't ask me anything
They didn't ask my name
I said "I've only ever mended farmers
And a baker's boy, and once a farrier's mare"
The rogue laughed and said "you'll be fine"
The mage said "just keep us standing in there"
I had to run to keep up with them
They walk so fast, they walk so fast
And the mouth of the cave came up like a jaw
And they walked in like they'd done this all before
And I thought — I am not ready for this
And I thought — nobody cares, they needed four
They needed a healer
Any healer would do
I see the whole fight
(the whole fight, the whole fight)
I see the sword come down, I see the shield go up
(shield go up)
I see the whole fight
(the whole fight, the whole fight)
Every hit, every stumble, every time they need my hands
I see the whole fight from the back
The first thing that came out of the dark was fast
And I froze — I froze — and the warrior took it full
And the blood came and I didn't think — my hands just went
And the wound closed and the warrior laughed
And the warrior said "see? You're fine"
This is nothing like the village
The rogue takes a slash across the ribs
And I'm already there before the blood
And the rogue just rolls and grins like nothing happened
Nobody's ever grinned at me like that
Like I'm part of this
This is nothing like the village
I see the whole fight
(the whole fight, the whole fight)
I see the sword come down, I see the shield go up
(shield go up)
I see the whole fight
(the whole fight, the whole fight)
Every hit, every stumble, every time they need my hands
I see the whole fight from the back
I am not strong enough to be here
(not strong enough)
I am not ready for this dark
(not ready)
But the warmth still comes when the warmth is needed
(still comes, still comes)
And it doesn't ask me if I'm ready
It just goes where the wounds are
And something breaks through toward me
(toward me, toward me)
And the warrior's there before it lands
(before it lands)
Steps right in front of me like a door slamming shut
(like a door)
And says "not the healer — not on my watch"
Says "not the healer — not on my watch"
They dragged me here because they needed hands
(needed hands)
Any hands that knew the warmth
(any hands)
But the warrior took a hit for me
(hit for me)
A hit that wasn't even close to free
A hit that wasn't free
I see the whole fight
(the whole fight, the whole fight)
I see the sword come down, I see the shield go up
(shield go up)
I see the whole fight
(the whole fight, the whole fight)
I wasn't ready but the warmth was ready
I see the whole fight from the back
And I have the best view
(The best view, the best view)
(I see the whole fight)
(And I have the best view)
(I see the whole fight)
5Whirlwind
The first group barely said goodbye
Before the second found me on the road
Said "we need a healer for the catacombs"
Said "we leave tonight, you coming?"
And I said yes, I said yes
I always say yes
Then the caves beneath the silver mountain
Then the temple buried under sand
Then the fortress on the frozen lake
Where my breath hung white and my warmth kept every hand
Then the ruins where the old kings sleep
I barely learned their names before the next
It's a whirlwind, it's a whirlwind
(whirlwind, whirlwind)
Every doorway leads to something I've never seen
(never seen)
It's a whirlwind, it's a whirlwind
(whirlwind, whirlwind)
And they always need a healer
And a healer's always me
It's a whirlwind, it's a whirlwind
I've seen more of the world in a month
Than the village sees in a hundred years
I've healed a dwarf, I've healed a knight
I've healed a warlock made of stone and tears
I've healed people whose languages I don't speak
And the warmth doesn't need a language
Then the caverns where the mushrooms glow
Then the tower where the wind won't stop
Then the mines where something old still digs
And I barely catch my breath before the drop
Then the swamp, then the ridge, then the keep
I'm getting dragged into one fight after another
It's a whirlwind, it's a whirlwind
(whirlwind, whirlwind)
Every doorway leads to something I've never seen
(never seen)
It's a whirlwind, it's a whirlwind
(whirlwind, whirlwind)
And they always need a healer
And a healer's always me
It's a whirlwind, it's a whirlwind
And my carpet waits wherever I leave it
(waits for me, waits for me)
Faithful in the sun outside whatever cave I'm in
(whatever cave)
And sometimes I fly between the fights
(between the fights)
Just to feel the wind that's mine and not the wind of war
Just to feel a wind that's mine
But someone always finds me
(always finds me)
Someone's always looking for a healer
(always looking)
And I roll up my carpet and I go
(and I go)
Because what am I if I don't go?
What am I if I don't go?
It's a whirlwind, it's a whirlwind
(whirlwind, whirlwind)
Every doorway leads to something I've never seen
(never seen)
It's a whirlwind, it's a whirlwind
(whirlwind, whirlwind)
I'm getting dragged into one fight after another
And I love it, and I'm tired
It's a whirlwind, it's a whirlwind
(Whirlwind, whirlwind)
(And they always need a healer)
(Whirlwind, whirlwind)
(And I always say yes)
Before the second found me on the road
Said "we need a healer for the catacombs"
Said "we leave tonight, you coming?"
And I said yes, I said yes
I always say yes
Then the caves beneath the silver mountain
Then the temple buried under sand
Then the fortress on the frozen lake
Where my breath hung white and my warmth kept every hand
Then the ruins where the old kings sleep
I barely learned their names before the next
It's a whirlwind, it's a whirlwind
(whirlwind, whirlwind)
Every doorway leads to something I've never seen
(never seen)
It's a whirlwind, it's a whirlwind
(whirlwind, whirlwind)
And they always need a healer
And a healer's always me
It's a whirlwind, it's a whirlwind
I've seen more of the world in a month
Than the village sees in a hundred years
I've healed a dwarf, I've healed a knight
I've healed a warlock made of stone and tears
I've healed people whose languages I don't speak
And the warmth doesn't need a language
Then the caverns where the mushrooms glow
Then the tower where the wind won't stop
Then the mines where something old still digs
And I barely catch my breath before the drop
Then the swamp, then the ridge, then the keep
I'm getting dragged into one fight after another
It's a whirlwind, it's a whirlwind
(whirlwind, whirlwind)
Every doorway leads to something I've never seen
(never seen)
It's a whirlwind, it's a whirlwind
(whirlwind, whirlwind)
And they always need a healer
And a healer's always me
It's a whirlwind, it's a whirlwind
And my carpet waits wherever I leave it
(waits for me, waits for me)
Faithful in the sun outside whatever cave I'm in
(whatever cave)
And sometimes I fly between the fights
(between the fights)
Just to feel the wind that's mine and not the wind of war
Just to feel a wind that's mine
But someone always finds me
(always finds me)
Someone's always looking for a healer
(always looking)
And I roll up my carpet and I go
(and I go)
Because what am I if I don't go?
What am I if I don't go?
It's a whirlwind, it's a whirlwind
(whirlwind, whirlwind)
Every doorway leads to something I've never seen
(never seen)
It's a whirlwind, it's a whirlwind
(whirlwind, whirlwind)
I'm getting dragged into one fight after another
And I love it, and I'm tired
It's a whirlwind, it's a whirlwind
(Whirlwind, whirlwind)
(And they always need a healer)
(Whirlwind, whirlwind)
(And I always say yes)
6Only Cloth
The dungeon's done, the chest is cracked
We gather round to see what's inside
The warrior pulls a breastplate out
And the torchlight catches iron a half inch wide
Half an inch of hammered steel
You could break a sword against that thing
And I reach in and I pull out mine
And it catches the light like water, like a wing
Silk so fine I can see my hand through it
Threaded through with silver and with frost
And every stitch is an enchantment
And it's the most beautiful thing I've never lost
It's only cloth, it's only cloth
(only cloth, only cloth)
Shimmering and lovely and as thin as a moth
(thin as a moth)
It's only cloth, it's only cloth
The prettiest thing in the room
And a dagger doesn't care how pretty
It's only cloth, it's only cloth
The paladin won a hammer yesterday
I saw her swing it once and crack a stone
I won a talisman that hangs around my neck
A jewel that hums with power of its own
Her weapon weighs more than my whole pack
My weapon is a whisper on a chain
And I watch the warrior strap his new steel on
Plate over chain over leather over skin
Three layers between the world and his bones
And I hold up my new robe and step in
One layer, one beautiful layer
Between me and everything
It's only cloth, it's only cloth
(only cloth, only cloth)
Shimmering and lovely and as thin as a moth
(thin as a moth)
It's only cloth, it's only cloth
The prettiest thing in the room
And a dagger doesn't care how pretty
It's only cloth, it's only cloth
I sewed my first armor by a candle in the dark
(by a candle)
And this is finer than anything my hands could make
(finer than mine)
Ancient thread, enchantments older than the towns
(older than the towns)
And it settles on my shoulders light as the water of a lake
Light as lake, light as nothing
And I love it — that's the thing
(that's the thing, that's the thing)
I love the way it moves, I love the way it breathes
(the way it breathes)
I wouldn't trade it for the warrior's iron cage
(iron cage)
But some nights I think about how thin it is
How thin it is between me and the teeth
How thin between me and the teeth
It's only cloth, it's only cloth
(only cloth, only cloth)
Shimmering and lovely and as thin as a moth
(thin as a moth)
It's only cloth, it's only cloth
I chose the thread, I chose the needle and the light
And a sword doesn't care what I chose
It's only cloth, it's only cloth
(only cloth, only cloth)
(Pretty as a prayer)
(only cloth, only cloth)
(And a sword doesn't care)
We gather round to see what's inside
The warrior pulls a breastplate out
And the torchlight catches iron a half inch wide
Half an inch of hammered steel
You could break a sword against that thing
And I reach in and I pull out mine
And it catches the light like water, like a wing
Silk so fine I can see my hand through it
Threaded through with silver and with frost
And every stitch is an enchantment
And it's the most beautiful thing I've never lost
It's only cloth, it's only cloth
(only cloth, only cloth)
Shimmering and lovely and as thin as a moth
(thin as a moth)
It's only cloth, it's only cloth
The prettiest thing in the room
And a dagger doesn't care how pretty
It's only cloth, it's only cloth
The paladin won a hammer yesterday
I saw her swing it once and crack a stone
I won a talisman that hangs around my neck
A jewel that hums with power of its own
Her weapon weighs more than my whole pack
My weapon is a whisper on a chain
And I watch the warrior strap his new steel on
Plate over chain over leather over skin
Three layers between the world and his bones
And I hold up my new robe and step in
One layer, one beautiful layer
Between me and everything
It's only cloth, it's only cloth
(only cloth, only cloth)
Shimmering and lovely and as thin as a moth
(thin as a moth)
It's only cloth, it's only cloth
The prettiest thing in the room
And a dagger doesn't care how pretty
It's only cloth, it's only cloth
I sewed my first armor by a candle in the dark
(by a candle)
And this is finer than anything my hands could make
(finer than mine)
Ancient thread, enchantments older than the towns
(older than the towns)
And it settles on my shoulders light as the water of a lake
Light as lake, light as nothing
And I love it — that's the thing
(that's the thing, that's the thing)
I love the way it moves, I love the way it breathes
(the way it breathes)
I wouldn't trade it for the warrior's iron cage
(iron cage)
But some nights I think about how thin it is
How thin it is between me and the teeth
How thin between me and the teeth
It's only cloth, it's only cloth
(only cloth, only cloth)
Shimmering and lovely and as thin as a moth
(thin as a moth)
It's only cloth, it's only cloth
I chose the thread, I chose the needle and the light
And a sword doesn't care what I chose
It's only cloth, it's only cloth
(only cloth, only cloth)
(Pretty as a prayer)
(only cloth, only cloth)
(And a sword doesn't care)
7Shadow and Light
Something came for me on the road between the towns
And my healing hands had nothing they could heal
And I reached for something deeper, something cold
And the shadow answered — and the shadow was real
The shadow was real
And the thing that came for me went screaming
I sat with it all night, the knowing
That my hands could do a thing I'd never asked them to
That the warmth was only half of what I carried
And the other half was something cold and new
Cold and new, cold and true
And I didn't know what that made me
Shadow and light, shadow and light
(shadow and light)
I always thought I knew which one I was
(which one I was)
Shadow and light, shadow and light
The shadow answers too — the shadow answers too
And it answers with my voice
And it answers with my hands
I tried it in the daylight, just to see
A small thing — just a flicker of the dark
And it came so easy — easier than healing
Like the shadow had been waiting for the spark
Waiting for permission
Waiting all my life for me to ask
And it frightened me how much I liked it
(how much I liked it)
Not because it hurt — it didn't hurt
(didn't hurt)
But because the warmth has always cost me something
(always cost me)
And the shadow felt like mine without the work
Like power just for me
Like power that didn't need someone else's wound
Shadow and light, shadow and light
(shadow and light)
I always thought I knew which one I was
(which one I was)
Shadow and light, shadow and light
The shadow answers too — the shadow answers too
And it answers with my voice
And it answers with my hands
But if I was good before the shadow came
(good before)
And I'm still the same hands, the same heart
(same hands, same heart)
And if I use the shadow for the same reasons
(same reasons)
Doesn't that make the shadow good too?
Doesn't it? Doesn't it?
Or does the feeling matter more than what you do?
(more than what you do)
Does it matter that the warmth feels like giving
(feels like giving)
And the shadow feels like keeping something back?
(keeping something back)
Does it matter that I like the shadow better?
Does it matter that I like it?
Does it matter?
Shadow and light, shadow and light
(shadow and light)
I always thought I knew which one I was
(which one I was)
Shadow and light, shadow and light
The shadow answers too — the shadow answers too
What if I was never only light?
What if I was always both?
(Always both, always both)
(Shadow and light)
(What if I was always both?)
(Shadow and light)
(The shadow answers too)
And my healing hands had nothing they could heal
And I reached for something deeper, something cold
And the shadow answered — and the shadow was real
The shadow was real
And the thing that came for me went screaming
I sat with it all night, the knowing
That my hands could do a thing I'd never asked them to
That the warmth was only half of what I carried
And the other half was something cold and new
Cold and new, cold and true
And I didn't know what that made me
Shadow and light, shadow and light
(shadow and light)
I always thought I knew which one I was
(which one I was)
Shadow and light, shadow and light
The shadow answers too — the shadow answers too
And it answers with my voice
And it answers with my hands
I tried it in the daylight, just to see
A small thing — just a flicker of the dark
And it came so easy — easier than healing
Like the shadow had been waiting for the spark
Waiting for permission
Waiting all my life for me to ask
And it frightened me how much I liked it
(how much I liked it)
Not because it hurt — it didn't hurt
(didn't hurt)
But because the warmth has always cost me something
(always cost me)
And the shadow felt like mine without the work
Like power just for me
Like power that didn't need someone else's wound
Shadow and light, shadow and light
(shadow and light)
I always thought I knew which one I was
(which one I was)
Shadow and light, shadow and light
The shadow answers too — the shadow answers too
And it answers with my voice
And it answers with my hands
But if I was good before the shadow came
(good before)
And I'm still the same hands, the same heart
(same hands, same heart)
And if I use the shadow for the same reasons
(same reasons)
Doesn't that make the shadow good too?
Doesn't it? Doesn't it?
Or does the feeling matter more than what you do?
(more than what you do)
Does it matter that the warmth feels like giving
(feels like giving)
And the shadow feels like keeping something back?
(keeping something back)
Does it matter that I like the shadow better?
Does it matter that I like it?
Does it matter?
Shadow and light, shadow and light
(shadow and light)
I always thought I knew which one I was
(which one I was)
Shadow and light, shadow and light
The shadow answers too — the shadow answers too
What if I was never only light?
What if I was always both?
(Always both, always both)
(Shadow and light)
(What if I was always both?)
(Shadow and light)
(The shadow answers too)
8Candle Gremlins Swarming
I took the mountain pass alone
My carpet rolled, the path too narrow for the sky
Just a shortcut, just a tunnel through the stone
I'd be through before the evening light could die
Just a shortcut, nothing more
I've done harder things before
The first candle-gremlin I almost didn't see
A furry little thing beside a crack in the wall
Candle melted to the top of its head
Hot wax dripping down its ears, its whiskers, and its jaw
Big wet eyes, claws like needles
And it looked at me and said —
"You no take candle!"
(no take, no take, not yours, not yours)
And it clutched its little flame like it was everything
(not yours, not yours)
"You no take candle!"
Like the candle was its baby, like the candle was its king
I don't want your candle, little candle-gremlin thing
I don't want your candle
But then a second candle-gremlin lit behind the first
Then a third one in a crack across the way
Hot wax dripping into fur and onto stone
And every one of them had something to say
"No take, no take"
"Not yours, not yours, not yours"
Candle-gremlins swarming, candle-gremlins swarming
(swarming, swarming)
Little furry bodies, little flames filling up the dark
(filling up the dark)
Candle-gremlins swarming, candle-gremlins swarming
(swarming, swarming)
Every candle is another set of claws
And the light keeps getting brighter
And the bright means more are coming
Candle-gremlins swarming, candle-gremlins swarming
A dozen, then a score, then more than I could count
The tunnel getting warm from all the flames
Matted fur and melted wax and needle teeth
And every single one of them the same
"No take, no take"
I don't want your candles — I never wanted your candles
One of them hissed and swiped at my hem
And another grabbed my ankle from below
And I healed the scratch before I felt it
But what good is healing when there's nowhere to go?
Candle-gremlins in front, candle-gremlins behind
And the warmth won't make them stop
Candle-gremlins swarming, candle-gremlins swarming
(swarming, swarming)
Little furry bodies, little flames filling up the dark
(filling up the dark)
Candle-gremlins swarming, candle-gremlins swarming
(swarming, swarming)
Every candle is another set of claws
And the light keeps getting brighter
And the bright means more are coming
Candle-gremlins swarming, candle-gremlins swarming
I can heal myself — I'm good at that
(good at that, good at that)
But you can't out-heal forty sets of claws
(forty claws)
I can mend a scratch but three more open up
(three more)
And my pretty robes are tearing at the seams
My beautiful enchanted silk
That a candle-gremlin claw goes through like screaming
If the warrior were here, if anyone were here
(anyone, anyone)
If someone would just stand in front of me
(in front of me)
But there's no one, there is no one
(no one, no one)
Just me and the cloth and the candle-gremlins and their teeth
"No take, no take, not yours, not yours"
I never wanted what was yours
Candle-gremlins swarming, candle-gremlins swarming
(swarming, swarming)
Little furry bodies, little flames filling up the dark
(filling up the dark)
Candle-gremlins swarming, candle-gremlins swarming
(swarming, swarming)
Wax and whiskers, claws and fire
And something in me deeper than the warmth
Something cold, something rising
Something rising in my throat
(No take, no take)
(Rising, rising)
(Not yours, not yours)
(Something rising in my throat)
My carpet rolled, the path too narrow for the sky
Just a shortcut, just a tunnel through the stone
I'd be through before the evening light could die
Just a shortcut, nothing more
I've done harder things before
The first candle-gremlin I almost didn't see
A furry little thing beside a crack in the wall
Candle melted to the top of its head
Hot wax dripping down its ears, its whiskers, and its jaw
Big wet eyes, claws like needles
And it looked at me and said —
"You no take candle!"
(no take, no take, not yours, not yours)
And it clutched its little flame like it was everything
(not yours, not yours)
"You no take candle!"
Like the candle was its baby, like the candle was its king
I don't want your candle, little candle-gremlin thing
I don't want your candle
But then a second candle-gremlin lit behind the first
Then a third one in a crack across the way
Hot wax dripping into fur and onto stone
And every one of them had something to say
"No take, no take"
"Not yours, not yours, not yours"
Candle-gremlins swarming, candle-gremlins swarming
(swarming, swarming)
Little furry bodies, little flames filling up the dark
(filling up the dark)
Candle-gremlins swarming, candle-gremlins swarming
(swarming, swarming)
Every candle is another set of claws
And the light keeps getting brighter
And the bright means more are coming
Candle-gremlins swarming, candle-gremlins swarming
A dozen, then a score, then more than I could count
The tunnel getting warm from all the flames
Matted fur and melted wax and needle teeth
And every single one of them the same
"No take, no take"
I don't want your candles — I never wanted your candles
One of them hissed and swiped at my hem
And another grabbed my ankle from below
And I healed the scratch before I felt it
But what good is healing when there's nowhere to go?
Candle-gremlins in front, candle-gremlins behind
And the warmth won't make them stop
Candle-gremlins swarming, candle-gremlins swarming
(swarming, swarming)
Little furry bodies, little flames filling up the dark
(filling up the dark)
Candle-gremlins swarming, candle-gremlins swarming
(swarming, swarming)
Every candle is another set of claws
And the light keeps getting brighter
And the bright means more are coming
Candle-gremlins swarming, candle-gremlins swarming
I can heal myself — I'm good at that
(good at that, good at that)
But you can't out-heal forty sets of claws
(forty claws)
I can mend a scratch but three more open up
(three more)
And my pretty robes are tearing at the seams
My beautiful enchanted silk
That a candle-gremlin claw goes through like screaming
If the warrior were here, if anyone were here
(anyone, anyone)
If someone would just stand in front of me
(in front of me)
But there's no one, there is no one
(no one, no one)
Just me and the cloth and the candle-gremlins and their teeth
"No take, no take, not yours, not yours"
I never wanted what was yours
Candle-gremlins swarming, candle-gremlins swarming
(swarming, swarming)
Little furry bodies, little flames filling up the dark
(filling up the dark)
Candle-gremlins swarming, candle-gremlins swarming
(swarming, swarming)
Wax and whiskers, claws and fire
And something in me deeper than the warmth
Something cold, something rising
Something rising in my throat
(No take, no take)
(Rising, rising)
(Not yours, not yours)
(Something rising in my throat)
9Shadow Word Scream
The something rising in my throat
Was not a cry, was not a shout
It was the shadow and the shadow wanted out
It was the cold deep well beneath the warmth
So I opened up my mouth
And I let the shadow speak
And the sound that came out was not my voice
(not my voice, not my voice)
It was older than my voice, it was deeper than the dark
(deeper than the dark)
It was fear — not the feeling — but a primal force
The thing that lived before the word for fear
Pouring through the doorway of my throat
And it hit them
Every candle-gremlin froze
Then every candle-gremlin broke
Not their bodies — something deeper — something behind their eyes
The place where courage lives went cold
The place where bravery is stored just emptied out
And what rushed in to fill it was the oldest dark
The dark before the candles
The dark they'd built their whole lives trying to avoid
Run, little candle-gremlins, run
(run, run, run)
The fear is in your hearts and it's not yours
(not yours, not yours)
Run, little candle-gremlins, run
(run, run, run)
I put it there — I spoke the shadow's word
And your courage isn't coming back
Until the spell has had its way with you
Run, little candle-gremlins, run
And they ran — they ran into the walls
(into the walls)
They ran over each other, claws on fur on stone
(claws on fur)
They dropped their candles — dropped their precious candles
(precious candles)
The thing they'd die for, rolling on the floor
Rolling and flickering and guttering out
And not a single gremlin stopped to pick one up
Because the fear I gave them was bigger than the flame
"No take candle" — but they forgot their candles
(forgot, forgot)
The thing they loved more than their lives
(more than their lives)
Left behind like nothing on the tunnel floor
Because the shadow in my throat
Wrote something on their hearts they couldn't fight
I wrote fear across their hearts like scripture
Run, little candle-gremlins, run
(run, run, run)
The fear is in your hearts and it's not yours
(not yours, not yours)
Run, little candle-gremlins, run
(run, run, run)
I put it there — I spoke the shadow's word
And your courage isn't coming back
Until the spell has had its way with you
Run, little candle-gremlins, run
And I stood there in the quiet after
In a tunnel full of dropped candles
Little flames still flickering on the ground
Wax still warm where the whiskers dripped
And I laughed until I couldn't stand
I laughed until I couldn't breathe
I laughed like something in me finally broke free
Because I am not just the warmth
(not just the warmth)
I am not just the mending and the light
(not just the light)
I am the thing that empties out a room
(empties out a room)
I am the shadow and I am the scream
And every candle-gremlin in this mountain
Knows my name tonight
Run, little candle-gremlins, run
(run, run, run)
The fear is in your hearts and it's not yours
(not yours, not yours)
Run, little candle-gremlins, run
(run, run, run)
I am the shadow and I am the scream
And fear is just another word I know
And I speak it fluently
Run, little candle-gremlins, run
(Run, run, run)
(No take, no take)
(Run, run, run)
(They forgot their candles)
(Run, run, run)
Was not a cry, was not a shout
It was the shadow and the shadow wanted out
It was the cold deep well beneath the warmth
So I opened up my mouth
And I let the shadow speak
And the sound that came out was not my voice
(not my voice, not my voice)
It was older than my voice, it was deeper than the dark
(deeper than the dark)
It was fear — not the feeling — but a primal force
The thing that lived before the word for fear
Pouring through the doorway of my throat
And it hit them
Every candle-gremlin froze
Then every candle-gremlin broke
Not their bodies — something deeper — something behind their eyes
The place where courage lives went cold
The place where bravery is stored just emptied out
And what rushed in to fill it was the oldest dark
The dark before the candles
The dark they'd built their whole lives trying to avoid
Run, little candle-gremlins, run
(run, run, run)
The fear is in your hearts and it's not yours
(not yours, not yours)
Run, little candle-gremlins, run
(run, run, run)
I put it there — I spoke the shadow's word
And your courage isn't coming back
Until the spell has had its way with you
Run, little candle-gremlins, run
And they ran — they ran into the walls
(into the walls)
They ran over each other, claws on fur on stone
(claws on fur)
They dropped their candles — dropped their precious candles
(precious candles)
The thing they'd die for, rolling on the floor
Rolling and flickering and guttering out
And not a single gremlin stopped to pick one up
Because the fear I gave them was bigger than the flame
"No take candle" — but they forgot their candles
(forgot, forgot)
The thing they loved more than their lives
(more than their lives)
Left behind like nothing on the tunnel floor
Because the shadow in my throat
Wrote something on their hearts they couldn't fight
I wrote fear across their hearts like scripture
Run, little candle-gremlins, run
(run, run, run)
The fear is in your hearts and it's not yours
(not yours, not yours)
Run, little candle-gremlins, run
(run, run, run)
I put it there — I spoke the shadow's word
And your courage isn't coming back
Until the spell has had its way with you
Run, little candle-gremlins, run
And I stood there in the quiet after
In a tunnel full of dropped candles
Little flames still flickering on the ground
Wax still warm where the whiskers dripped
And I laughed until I couldn't stand
I laughed until I couldn't breathe
I laughed like something in me finally broke free
Because I am not just the warmth
(not just the warmth)
I am not just the mending and the light
(not just the light)
I am the thing that empties out a room
(empties out a room)
I am the shadow and I am the scream
And every candle-gremlin in this mountain
Knows my name tonight
Run, little candle-gremlins, run
(run, run, run)
The fear is in your hearts and it's not yours
(not yours, not yours)
Run, little candle-gremlins, run
(run, run, run)
I am the shadow and I am the scream
And fear is just another word I know
And I speak it fluently
Run, little candle-gremlins, run
(Run, run, run)
(No take, no take)
(Run, run, run)
(They forgot their candles)
(Run, run, run)
10My Worst Fear
We'd cleared the lower halls, the four of us
Another dungeon, another door, another fight behind
The warrior said "one more, then we rest"
And I checked my hands, still warm, still enough
Still enough for one more
Still enough for one more
The scholar-wolf came through the wall like it was paper
Stone and dust and thunder and a shape
That used to be a man, that used to read books in this very hall
Something that forgot how to stop being hungry
And it was faster than anything I'd ever seen
Fur and teeth and claws that cracked the floor
The warrior raised her shield and caught the first hit
And I felt the impact in my chest before I saw the blood
And my hands went warm and the wound went shut
And the warrior held the line, the warrior held the line
Hold the line, hold the line
I'm right behind you, I'm right here
My worst fear, my worst fear
(my worst fear)
Is watching someone fall that I could save
(could have saved)
My worst fear, my worst fear
(my worst fear)
Is choosing who to heal when I can't heal them all
The rogue went left and the mage went right
And the scholar-wolf went everywhere at once
A blur of claw and howl and broken stone
And the rogue took a hit that opened up her side
And I started to reach — I started to turn —
And the warrior staggered and I turned back
I turned back
(turned back, turned back)
I chose the warrior, I chose the shield
(chose the shield)
And the rogue went down behind me and I heard it
(heard it, heard it)
I heard the sound a body makes when nobody's coming
When the healer chose someone else
When the healer chose someone else
My worst fear, my worst fear
(my worst fear)
Is watching someone fall that I could save
(could have saved)
My worst fear, my worst fear
(my worst fear)
Is choosing who to heal when I can't heal them all
The mage was burning everything she had
Trying to slow it down, trying to buy me time
And the scholar-wolf turned on her like a wave
And I saw it coming and I couldn't — I couldn't stop —
If I leave the warrior for even one breath
The warrior falls, and if the warrior falls
If the warrior falls, it's over
(it's over, it's over)
If the warrior falls, there's nothing between
(nothing between)
The scholar-wolf and me
(and me)
And cloth won't stop those claws
And shadow won't stop those claws
Nothing stops those claws but the warrior's shield
The mage went down
(went down, went down)
And I poured everything into the warrior's back
(everything, everything)
And my hands were shaking and the warmth was thinning
(thinning, thinning)
And the warrior's shield cracked down the center and held
And the warrior's shield cracked and held
And the warrior would not fall
My worst fear, my worst fear
(my worst fear)
Is watching someone fall that I could save
(could have saved)
My worst fear, my worst fear
(my worst fear)
The rogue is down, the mage is down
And all I have is the warrior and my hands
And my hands are almost done
And the scholar-wolf was slowing
(slowing, slowing)
And the warrior was bleeding but still standing
(still standing)
And I was down to nothing, down to fumes
(down to fumes)
Pouring out the last warmth I had left
And the warrior swung once more
And the scholar-wolf went down
And the scholar-wolf went down
Another dungeon, another door, another fight behind
The warrior said "one more, then we rest"
And I checked my hands, still warm, still enough
Still enough for one more
Still enough for one more
The scholar-wolf came through the wall like it was paper
Stone and dust and thunder and a shape
That used to be a man, that used to read books in this very hall
Something that forgot how to stop being hungry
And it was faster than anything I'd ever seen
Fur and teeth and claws that cracked the floor
The warrior raised her shield and caught the first hit
And I felt the impact in my chest before I saw the blood
And my hands went warm and the wound went shut
And the warrior held the line, the warrior held the line
Hold the line, hold the line
I'm right behind you, I'm right here
My worst fear, my worst fear
(my worst fear)
Is watching someone fall that I could save
(could have saved)
My worst fear, my worst fear
(my worst fear)
Is choosing who to heal when I can't heal them all
The rogue went left and the mage went right
And the scholar-wolf went everywhere at once
A blur of claw and howl and broken stone
And the rogue took a hit that opened up her side
And I started to reach — I started to turn —
And the warrior staggered and I turned back
I turned back
(turned back, turned back)
I chose the warrior, I chose the shield
(chose the shield)
And the rogue went down behind me and I heard it
(heard it, heard it)
I heard the sound a body makes when nobody's coming
When the healer chose someone else
When the healer chose someone else
My worst fear, my worst fear
(my worst fear)
Is watching someone fall that I could save
(could have saved)
My worst fear, my worst fear
(my worst fear)
Is choosing who to heal when I can't heal them all
The mage was burning everything she had
Trying to slow it down, trying to buy me time
And the scholar-wolf turned on her like a wave
And I saw it coming and I couldn't — I couldn't stop —
If I leave the warrior for even one breath
The warrior falls, and if the warrior falls
If the warrior falls, it's over
(it's over, it's over)
If the warrior falls, there's nothing between
(nothing between)
The scholar-wolf and me
(and me)
And cloth won't stop those claws
And shadow won't stop those claws
Nothing stops those claws but the warrior's shield
The mage went down
(went down, went down)
And I poured everything into the warrior's back
(everything, everything)
And my hands were shaking and the warmth was thinning
(thinning, thinning)
And the warrior's shield cracked down the center and held
And the warrior's shield cracked and held
And the warrior would not fall
My worst fear, my worst fear
(my worst fear)
Is watching someone fall that I could save
(could have saved)
My worst fear, my worst fear
(my worst fear)
The rogue is down, the mage is down
And all I have is the warrior and my hands
And my hands are almost done
And the scholar-wolf was slowing
(slowing, slowing)
And the warrior was bleeding but still standing
(still standing)
And I was down to nothing, down to fumes
(down to fumes)
Pouring out the last warmth I had left
And the warrior swung once more
And the scholar-wolf went down
And the scholar-wolf went down
11I Decide Who Lives and Dies
The rogue lay still on the broken floor
The mage lay still beside the shattered wall
The warrior could barely stand
And the headmaster was waiting down the hall
And I was down to nothing
And everything was down to me
I knelt beside the rogue and closed my eyes
And I reached past the warmth, past the fumes, past the empty
Down to somewhere I had never been
Where the light and the shadow meet and agree
And I said come back
And the rogue breathed
I knelt beside the mage and said come back
And the mage breathed
And the warrior stared at me
Like she'd never seen me before
Like she'd forgotten what I was
Like she'd forgotten what I was
I decide who lives and dies
(I decide, I decide)
I always did — you just never saw
(never saw, never saw)
I decide who lives and dies
(I decide, I decide)
The one in the back, the one in cloth
The quiet one, the gentle one
I decide who lives and dies
The headmaster's chamber smelled like wine and rot
Old magic pressed like vineyards left too long
An elf with eyes like burning glass
Who looked at us and started drinking us alive
I felt the pull — the whole room felt the pull
The warmth draining out of everyone I'd just brought back
And the warrior charged and the warrior slowed
And the rogue flanked and the rogue stumbled
And the mage cast and the fire dimmed
Because the headmaster was drinking it all
Drinking the life, drinking the magic
You can't out-heal a thing that swallows everything you pour
And the warrior looked at me like "do something"
And I thought — not my hands this time
Not the warmth, not the light
Something deeper, something colder
Something that doesn't heal the mind
Something that takes it
I reached into the headmaster's burning mind
(into the mind, into the mind)
Past the centuries, past the hunger, past the pride
(past the pride)
And I took hold of something ancient
(took hold)
And I said mine now — mine now — mine
And the headmaster's hands dropped to his sides
And the draining stopped
And the room went still
I decide who lives and dies
(I decide, I decide)
I always did — you just never saw
(never saw, never saw)
I decide who lives and dies
(I decide, I decide)
I decide who falls and who gets back up
I decide whose mind is theirs
I decide who lives and dies
The headmaster stood there with my will behind his eyes
And the party stared at me
The rogue, the mage, the warrior with her cracked shield
The ones I let die, the ones I brought back
The ones I kept alive with nothing but my hands
They all stared at me
And for one moment in that ancient hall
(one moment)
I was not the one they send for
(not the one they send for)
I was not the warm hands in the night
(not the warm hands)
I was not the quiet one who watches from the back
I was the shadow and the light
I was the shadow and the light at the same time
I decide who lives and dies
(I decide, I decide)
I always did — you just never saw
(never saw, never saw)
I decide who lives and dies
(I decide, I decide)
I mend the sparrow and I break the mind
I wear the cloth and I command the dark
I decide who lives and dies
(I decide, I decide)
(Shadow and light)
(I decide, I decide)
(Shadow and light, at the same time)
(I decide who lives and dies)
The mage lay still beside the shattered wall
The warrior could barely stand
And the headmaster was waiting down the hall
And I was down to nothing
And everything was down to me
I knelt beside the rogue and closed my eyes
And I reached past the warmth, past the fumes, past the empty
Down to somewhere I had never been
Where the light and the shadow meet and agree
And I said come back
And the rogue breathed
I knelt beside the mage and said come back
And the mage breathed
And the warrior stared at me
Like she'd never seen me before
Like she'd forgotten what I was
Like she'd forgotten what I was
I decide who lives and dies
(I decide, I decide)
I always did — you just never saw
(never saw, never saw)
I decide who lives and dies
(I decide, I decide)
The one in the back, the one in cloth
The quiet one, the gentle one
I decide who lives and dies
The headmaster's chamber smelled like wine and rot
Old magic pressed like vineyards left too long
An elf with eyes like burning glass
Who looked at us and started drinking us alive
I felt the pull — the whole room felt the pull
The warmth draining out of everyone I'd just brought back
And the warrior charged and the warrior slowed
And the rogue flanked and the rogue stumbled
And the mage cast and the fire dimmed
Because the headmaster was drinking it all
Drinking the life, drinking the magic
You can't out-heal a thing that swallows everything you pour
And the warrior looked at me like "do something"
And I thought — not my hands this time
Not the warmth, not the light
Something deeper, something colder
Something that doesn't heal the mind
Something that takes it
I reached into the headmaster's burning mind
(into the mind, into the mind)
Past the centuries, past the hunger, past the pride
(past the pride)
And I took hold of something ancient
(took hold)
And I said mine now — mine now — mine
And the headmaster's hands dropped to his sides
And the draining stopped
And the room went still
I decide who lives and dies
(I decide, I decide)
I always did — you just never saw
(never saw, never saw)
I decide who lives and dies
(I decide, I decide)
I decide who falls and who gets back up
I decide whose mind is theirs
I decide who lives and dies
The headmaster stood there with my will behind his eyes
And the party stared at me
The rogue, the mage, the warrior with her cracked shield
The ones I let die, the ones I brought back
The ones I kept alive with nothing but my hands
They all stared at me
And for one moment in that ancient hall
(one moment)
I was not the one they send for
(not the one they send for)
I was not the warm hands in the night
(not the warm hands)
I was not the quiet one who watches from the back
I was the shadow and the light
I was the shadow and the light at the same time
I decide who lives and dies
(I decide, I decide)
I always did — you just never saw
(never saw, never saw)
I decide who lives and dies
(I decide, I decide)
I mend the sparrow and I break the mind
I wear the cloth and I command the dark
I decide who lives and dies
(I decide, I decide)
(Shadow and light)
(I decide, I decide)
(Shadow and light, at the same time)
(I decide who lives and dies)
12Come with Me
The academy is ash behind the hills
The party went their ways at the crossroads
The rogue went south, the mage went east
The warrior shook my hand and walked her road
And I stood there at the crossroads
The way I always do
But this time I didn't wait
(didn't wait, didn't wait)
This time I didn't sit beside the road
And hope that someone needed what I had
This time I unrolled my carpet
Crimson and gold and a blue like deep water
And I chose which way to go
Come with me, come with me
(come with me)
I've stood behind enough strangers in the dark
(in the dark)
Come with me, come with me
(come with me)
I've watched enough fights to know who's worth the watching
I know what I need and I know what I am
Come with me, come with me
I flew above the forest where the rangers walk alone
And I watched the way they moved among the green
And I saw one who read the ground like poetry
The best tracker I had ever seen
Not the loudest, not the fastest
But the one who never missed a sign
I flew above the city where the warriors train at dawn
And I watched them from the sky until the sun went down
And I saw one who held her shield like a promise
Who protected the fighter on her left before herself
Not the strongest, not the biggest
But the one who understood what standing firm was for
Come with me, come with me
(come with me)
I've stood behind enough strangers in the dark
(in the dark)
Come with me, come with me
(come with me)
I've watched enough fights to know who's worth the watching
I know what I need and I know what I am
Come with me, come with me
I flew above the tower where the mages burn and study
And I watched the ones who stayed up past the others
And I saw one whose fire was patient, not proud
Who burned like a candle, not a bonfire
Not the most powerful, not the most brilliant
But the one who'd still be burning when the rest burned out
And I landed, each time I landed
(each time, each time)
And I said — I've seen what you can do
(what you can do)
And I said — I know what you're worth
(what you're worth)
More than you know, more than they've told you
And I have work that needs the best
And you're the best at what you are
Come with me, come with me
(come with me)
I've stood behind enough strangers in the dark
(in the dark)
Come with me, come with me
(come with me)
I started with a sparrow and my hands
Now I'm choosing who I stand behind
Come with me, come with me
And my carpet hums beneath me, crimson and gold
(crimson and gold)
And the sky is wide and I know the way now
(know the way)
Not because someone dragged me through it
(not anymore)
But because I've seen it all from the back
Every fight, every fall, every time the fight went wrong
And I know how to make it right
Come with me, come with me
(come with me)
Shadow and light, shadow and light
(shadow and light)
Come with me, come with me
I mend the broken and I break what needs to break
I've got the warmth and I've got the dark
Come with me, come with me
(Come with me, come with me)
(Shadow and light)
(Come with me, come with me)
(I know the way now)
(Come with me)
The party went their ways at the crossroads
The rogue went south, the mage went east
The warrior shook my hand and walked her road
And I stood there at the crossroads
The way I always do
But this time I didn't wait
(didn't wait, didn't wait)
This time I didn't sit beside the road
And hope that someone needed what I had
This time I unrolled my carpet
Crimson and gold and a blue like deep water
And I chose which way to go
Come with me, come with me
(come with me)
I've stood behind enough strangers in the dark
(in the dark)
Come with me, come with me
(come with me)
I've watched enough fights to know who's worth the watching
I know what I need and I know what I am
Come with me, come with me
I flew above the forest where the rangers walk alone
And I watched the way they moved among the green
And I saw one who read the ground like poetry
The best tracker I had ever seen
Not the loudest, not the fastest
But the one who never missed a sign
I flew above the city where the warriors train at dawn
And I watched them from the sky until the sun went down
And I saw one who held her shield like a promise
Who protected the fighter on her left before herself
Not the strongest, not the biggest
But the one who understood what standing firm was for
Come with me, come with me
(come with me)
I've stood behind enough strangers in the dark
(in the dark)
Come with me, come with me
(come with me)
I've watched enough fights to know who's worth the watching
I know what I need and I know what I am
Come with me, come with me
I flew above the tower where the mages burn and study
And I watched the ones who stayed up past the others
And I saw one whose fire was patient, not proud
Who burned like a candle, not a bonfire
Not the most powerful, not the most brilliant
But the one who'd still be burning when the rest burned out
And I landed, each time I landed
(each time, each time)
And I said — I've seen what you can do
(what you can do)
And I said — I know what you're worth
(what you're worth)
More than you know, more than they've told you
And I have work that needs the best
And you're the best at what you are
Come with me, come with me
(come with me)
I've stood behind enough strangers in the dark
(in the dark)
Come with me, come with me
(come with me)
I started with a sparrow and my hands
Now I'm choosing who I stand behind
Come with me, come with me
And my carpet hums beneath me, crimson and gold
(crimson and gold)
And the sky is wide and I know the way now
(know the way)
Not because someone dragged me through it
(not anymore)
But because I've seen it all from the back
Every fight, every fall, every time the fight went wrong
And I know how to make it right
Come with me, come with me
(come with me)
Shadow and light, shadow and light
(shadow and light)
Come with me, come with me
I mend the broken and I break what needs to break
I've got the warmth and I've got the dark
Come with me, come with me
(Come with me, come with me)
(Shadow and light)
(Come with me, come with me)
(I know the way now)
(Come with me)